When it burns

In 2017, when I had a toddler and a new babe, we lived in Northern California. It was at this time that I witnessed the worst wildfire season of my lifetime. The Tubbs fire that burned into Coffey Park, Santa Rosa jumped the 101 freeway and ravaged suburbia, consuming 5,643 structures and 22 lives. Entire neighborhoods were destroyed in a way that Californians never could have expected. We lived 2 towns over and watched in suspense wondering what would happen next. Could it come to us? I didn't think so, but I also never though that wildfires could race their way into major metropolitan areas like they did. We continued to wonder, watch and wait, with eyes wide open. The day came when we were put on evacuation ready warning, basically “be ready to leave”. It's a weird dynamic to be facing a potential upheaval of life, yet hubby still had to go to work each day pretending it was just another normal day until something worse reared its ugly head and it turned out NOT to be a normal day. It finally happened that we were put on legit evacuation orders. Just so you can breath, our house, neighborhood and town ended up being just fine, but many were not so fortunate. We were still facing the stark reality that we could potentially face the same sort of loss.

Here is what I want to get at today: something changes in you forever when you have to quickly inventory your life, the house and all that you have accumulated, everything that you have spent time, space and energy managing for years. You look at each piece, or rather a general overview depending on how much time you have and quickly assess, “Would I be okay if this was burned up and I never saw it again?” We were fortunate that we had ample warning, which may have possibly been more confusing, since I had time to just sit with this question and think of more and more layers of things that I might want to consider. Of course we had our vital documents, basic clothes and supplies, baby photos and a few bits of sentimental memorabilia from those who were no longer with us. It all had to fit into our small SUV. For the most part, what really threw me off, was that I was actually okay with letting most of it burn. What?! I realized that, either I would not miss it or it could be easily replaced (i.e. it really wasn't special). It was such a weird feeling to pack everything up and drive away knowing that, like many people had already experienced, we may return to find only ashes.

Fast forward through a few days of waiting, constant news watching and we were able to return home by the end of the week, house unscathed. Not everyone was so lucky and my heart goes out to them for their loss, the difficulty of being displaced, and all of the feelings that they must have had to work through, are maybe still working through. That is not my story and so I cannot speak to it. My story is simply an awakening of sorts and I am here to share with you what this experience revealed to me.

As we arrived home, unpacked, and praised God for protecting our home we settled back into “normal” life (whatever that means!?). It was then that I realized I was actually very unsettled by the many feelings that bubbled to the surface in the following weeks.

And here it is: if I am okay with literally letting this all burn to the ground, THEN WHY DO I EVEN HAVE IT?! Why am I storing it? Why am I managing it? Why am a paying rent or mortgage to house things that I am literally okay with throwing into the fire?

Okay, I get that I still need things to function in day to day life like socks and spatulas, but there was soooooo much that did not add to my ability to function. In fact, much of it prevented me from functioning at my best. If I was watching the movie of my life, I might say that this would be the moment of foreshadowing that would later reveal my propensity toward minimalism, shaped by my life-experiences. Needless to say, I started ruthlessly purging what was in my house and I became highly discriminatory regarding what came into my house. Man! We saved a boat-load of money, too! And what a great time to do this as my oldest was nearly 2 and my youngest just a newborn. Fun side note: my youngest had just been accidentally born at home and since the Social Security office was in the evac area, litte B did not technically “exist” for the first couple months of life. Did you know that, if you have an unplanned birth at home you have to get a note from your doctor who wasn't there? Then I had to procure and take said doctor’s note to the Social Security office when it finally opened and boldly declare, “And thus shall she be!”

Since this experience, we have actually packed up several times in anticipation of evacuating, including one more time of actually driving away. That time, we actually left my husband behind upon his insistence to defend his castle. Rest assured that I death-stared and crazy prayed and pressed him to promise that if the fire got anywhere close to our property that he would get himself to safety and let the house burn. He promised, but I am still not sure that his fingers were not crossed behind his back, captain and ship and all. This time was also a unique experience as we found refuge at my parents house across the valley. With binoculars in hand, we could watch the hot spots on the hill behind our neighborhood flare up just to see the firetrucks wee-ooo-wee-ooo their way over to the burst of flames. It was like watching a twisted, emotionally wrought 80's video game. Woop-woop-woop-woooooooo.

So friend (and self – 'cause I constantly need to be re-reminded), look around and think, all this stuff, would you be okay with letting it burn? Because, guess what? It is going to. It is going to burn. For real. 2 Peter 3:7 tells us, “but by His word the present heavens and earth are being reserved for fire, kept for the day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men.” It is ALL going to burn someday, you guys. Everything except for what is eternal. 1 Corinthians 3:12-15 tells us what will remain after the fires have consumed their lot. “Now if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each man’s work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man’s work. If any man’s work which he has built on it remains, he will receive a reward. If any man’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.”

Souls are eternal. Christ, His Word and His purposes are eternal. I recently developed a little questionnaire for myself for decision making, because decision fatigue is fo' real, bruh! Question #1 reads, “Does it have eternal value?” In other words, after the fires, will any shred of it remain? If not, then I need to ask myself what business do I have giving time, attention and resources toward something that will one day be ash.

Look around, what literally fits in your car? What literally fits into eternity? What is going to burn?

Then, could you bear to let it go now rather than carrying it, storing and managing it until that day of its scorching? Just imagine how free and light you might be if you only held onto that which will last, that which has REAL eternal value.

“Only one life,’ twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.”

C.T. Studd from his poem “Only One Life”